Friday, January 27, 2012

Remodeling? Buy This Toilet!

When I decided to write this post, I wondered, "Am I really going to write about a toilet? Who writes about a toilet? And who reads about a toilet?" A poem came to mind--one that I read as an undergraduate. It was a poem about a toilet sliding, snail-like, into a living room, seeking love...and not finding any. Because really, who loves toilets? Even the word "toilet" sounds kind of ridiculous if you think about it long enough. Toilet,toilet,toilet. See what I mean?

And yet, if you buy and install the Kohler Cimarron High Efficiency WaterSense Elongated Toilet in your home, you may find yourself--as my husband and I did--discussing the merits of your new toilet over dinner.

"I really like the new toilet. Don't you?" your husband will comment, passing the dish of roasted green beans.

"Gosh yes!" You'll gush, "It's the best! Shall we replace both of the upstairs toilets too?" At this point, part of your brain will cringe, because your conversation sounds like the script from a failed "Saturday Night Live" skit, but the other half of your brain will still be sighing, "That is one fine toilet."

I don't care how many etiquette classes you have taken or how many Emily Post books you've read and memorized. If you buy this toilet, you will more than likely find yourself inadvertently discussing it over dinner. It's just that good.
What is there to love about this toilet?

First of all, it's a HET--High Efficiency Toilet. It only uses 1.28 GPF. GPF stands for Gallons Per Flush--not to be confused with GPS, which would be a really unnecessary toilet feature unless the toilet happened to be in a mobile home. The Cimarron is one of the "new breed" of HETs; unlike the old "flush 30 times and maybe the paper will eventually go down" kind of water-saving / low flow toilets, this one does the job in one quiet, powerful flush every time.

Second, it's nice and tall--the same height as a standard chair-- so it's more comfortable and ergonomic for most folks to use (older folks in particular). Its similarity to a dining room chair may in part explain why we felt so comfortable discussing it over dinner, come to think of it.

Third, it's easy to install, which makes it a great choice for do-it-yourselfers.

Fourth, both the toilet seat and the toilet lid are designed to "quiet close". In other words, when you close them, they don't slam closed, awakening sleeping babies for miles around. Instead, they close in slow motion--imagine the toilet seat version of "The Matrix". So if you are awakened at 3am, it will not be due to Great Uncle Ernie slamming the toilet seat down in the guest bathroom. Instead, you will be awakened at 3am by Great Uncle Ernie bleating "Happy Days Are Here Again" with gusto on his trumpet because he has never before in his 96 years on earth encountered a toilet quite so swell.

Fifth, everyone loves it. Just read the reviews. It received 5 stars on the Lowe's website. We are not the only weirdos discussing this toilet over dinner, thank you very much.

Sixth, if your existing toilet is a water guzzler, your town or city may even pay you to replace your existing toilet with a HET. If you'd like to see if your local municipality has a HET rebate program, may be a good place to start (though I noticed that our town's program was not listed there). For my local readers, I will share that the Town of Cary, NC has a HET rebate program which offers a $100 rebate for each water-guzzling toilet replaced (up to 2 per residential home). Raleigh and Durham offer similar programs.

Seventh, if you ever tire of discussing politics, religion, or great literature over dinner, the Kohler Cimarron will always be there for you, happy to bask in the glow of your adoring discourse.
Curious about the toilet poem that I referenced earlier? You can find the poem in its entirety here.

Finally, for the record, I have not been compensated in any way to endorse this toilet. Though being sponsored by a toilet would really send a message to the world that I "have arrived", don't you think?